WHAT NOT TO SAY WHEN INTENDING TO SHOW EMPATHY

When intending to show empathy for someone who is experiencing a traumatic event such as death of a loved one, job loss, diagnosis of a terminal illness, are we acknowledging their feelings?  Or, are we chiding them for not being positive, brave or grateful?  Urging a positive attitude on someone who is in a traumatic state conveys well-intentioned but unkind support. Being sympathetic entails careful listening and crafting a thoughtful response.  The following platitudes leave others feeling that they are to blame and should have done better. 
What Not to Say in the Following Situations:

1. Grief and Loss: "This teaches you to always be grateful for what you have."
2. Illness:  "You need to have a better attitude if you want to beat this."
3. Divorce:  "Others love positive people, so raise the altitude of your attitude."
4. Job loss:  "You knew what you were getting yourself into when you took the job."
5. Weight gain:  "If you've gained weight, no one can seriously notice." (It is best to avoid false compliments in general.)
6. A traumatic event:  "You're so brave, but at least it could be worse."